owww, back.at.it

"but i remember learning that when butterflies come out of that coccoon (sp?), their wings still have to dry and harden, before they can support flight."


funny when you go back and read old stuff.

it's been a whiiile. mostly because i don't have a lot to say. haha. for once in my life right.

im not on a mariah carey type butterfly obsession...but that quote from an old post, really stood out to me tonight.

when i started this blog, i had a lot to say. looking back, it;s all starting to make more sense. in a way, that was the beginning of my literal self discovery. obviously my whole life has played up to the moments we are currently in...but i had so much to say because i was seeing things in a totally new, clearer light.

and then, it got quiet.

it was really nice of many of yal to say you missed reading new stuff from me. but i just didnt have anything to share. not that life wasnt happening...just reached a new place.

cant name that "place" right now, but i think it has a lot to do with molding me.

i can feel myself becoming myself. i think it was kinda off the cuff when i mentione a butterfly's wings drying, but looking back, i feel like that is somewhat the stage that i am in.

i havent and cant do much flying right now...because im still preparing for the flights. i tried to jump the gun on a lot of things in my life...and now i am seeing the beauty of being grounded. grounded like you cant take off, or it seems like you cant take off.

for a while now, ive felt immobile, confused, stuck. and i couldnt put my finger on it or give it a specific reason...........................................

i also havent looked at the blog in like months. so reading over it tonight was eye opening. in a way when i wrote that butterfly quote months ago, i still was in the old carlin mindset a bit, that ok, let's go, the time is NOW because I said so.

lol.

a little of that uptightness right.

as i breathe in and breathe out...i remember that it's not in my time. i didnt plan any of these lessons. i definitely didnt foresee them. and thankfully, i can't even imagine the beauty and bounty of the future.

but i know it's coming. i know that when i am suppose to truly take flight, i will.

i'll be 25 in less than a month. my 24th year of life has been alllllllllllll that and then some. i've learned more than i ever thot even existed :)

but a change is coming. im not deeming any of my experiences bad...but its time for a change.

pretty wings. brand new wings. young wings. more experienced wings. stronger wings.

yuuuup.







sincerely,

carlin



p.s. that was half a shoutout to jip's prince of va. only half tho. ;)