sigh...the swan song for FB and Twitter but ACTUALLY about the N.O.

hola alllll.

ok so im not gonna start a book but it's been a while since the last entry so as you may imagine, i have a LOT on my mind.

let's start with this. my connection/let's admit it slight ADDICTIOn to facebook and now twitter are just overboard. and it's a love hate type thing. liiiike, i hate seeing what everyone else is doing alllll the time bc it effects me in ways it shouldnt. but then, why do i see it...because IIII log into these sites.

lol.

i love that facebook reconnected me with ppl i went to elementary school with, etc etc, ie ppl i lost touch with and then its like HELLOOOOO, they're married with kids or something, and its great to catch up.

however, my need to log in is just annoying. i havent read a book in forever...and i love to read. its time for at the very least a break from all this social networking. and that's just me. im not knocking anyone...its just a bit much.

also, in a way, facebook used to be kinda like a clubhouse, for us college aged kids to just be goofy, chill out, and say and do goofy stuff on the internet. now however, literally everyone and their MOTHER, TEACHER, PSYCHIATRIST, BOSS, NEPHEW and NIECE is on there. :) now, especially after ish like Katrina, i can truly appreciate a site that lets ppl connect. i just dont think that;s what facebook was supposed to be, that's MY opinion. it's like having your parents join you on your honeymoon....ummm, love you mom and dad...BUT NOOOOO. (and here's the disclaimer im not alluding to sex on the honeymoon, im just saying there's a time and place for everything). make money Mark Z, expand, do what you gotta do...but it's just not as fun anymore.

more than likely i will be back to facebook and poss twitter, cause i really do enjoy them. it;l just be at a much more scaled down level and i will not be on it as much...once i DO log back in...IF i do... :)

the ppl that really need to and want to get in touch with me will. email is a great invention, and with 6 degrees of separation you can get at me if you need to :)

but yeah, this all ties into me working out my way in life. sorry to make it so deep all of a sudden, but that's what 2009 seems to be shaping into for me. i realize i cannot map every step out, but i am sitting back and planning a little differently than i ever have. i think God got me back to New Orleans, my birthplace and roots, to refocus.

i mentioned this to my mom before i left VA, right as i realized it. I've come to New Orleans after alllll the monumental issues in my life.

lol that the major issues in my life really didnt kick start till last year in my opinion. but last year was my 1st breakup, and first time dealing with real family issues. in may of 08, i used free airtran flights to get back home, for like 2 weeks...and it was exactly what i needed.

not that i was running away from problems, but for the first time, i was breathing. there was nothing more that i could do for any of those situations...except let it ride. and if you know me...im not really a "let it ride person". ive neverr been toooo good at playing things by ear :) im pretttttty uptight. but guess what, im letting go of that. im chillin out so that life doesnt pass me by. im appreciating the little things and the big...but when i was moving so fast worrying about controlling or solving everything before...i wasnt appreciating all that i had, even in the midst of some storms.

then, ahhhhh, the somewhat infamous Facebook blowup...aimed mostly at Marquay but really at ANY and EVERY and ALLLL types of cheaters :) yup...even you....if you're any type of cheater.

im not tryna be mean, im being real, and sometimes the truth is painful. but basically, when i did all that on facebook, it was to maintain MY sanity...i had to push back, bc the level of disrespect had peaked. you know when in cartoons the characters can run to an isolated mountain and SCREAAAAM their lungs out? well, that's what i did, except it wasnt isolated. but ya know what, it felt better than just screaming into my pillow or punching a wall etc. bc i wanted ppl to know how i felt. i wanted him to knw how i reaaaaallly felt, not all the sugarcoated polite stuff i may have watered it down with before.

so....i put it on facebook. and i DONT regret it. it served it's purpose, which was to give me an outlet. and guess what i did a couple hours after those rage filled posts....

DINGGG!! went to new orleans. the trip was alreaddy planned. it just so happened to coincide with the day i let loose on quay on facebook.

and going to Jazzfest, this past april, was beautiful, and exactly what i needed.

so far i've been in new orleans for less than 24 hours :)

but i feel it. im not saying it's mystical or anything, im just sayin it's necessary. im not running from anyone :) promise...sometimes you just need to get your mind right...and this seems to be how i best get myyyy mind right.

i bring it back to the bottom of the map.

i hear all the insane accents and drawls and bayyyybaaaaaayyss one could imagine. i seeee alll the places i grew up around, in, next to, under, over...lol. i smell the same smellssss...TASTE the same AMAZING food.



and it brings me back. it re-centers me. it slows me down. it helps me think. it helps me believe again. it helps me see. it helps me love and remember that love will endure.

dont ask me how it does all this....lol...im just telling you that it does. im sitting in j will's ppl's big empty post katrina refurbished beautiful house (while BB sleeps, finally), with tears slowly coming down my face because im really seeing this is where im supposed to be.




right here.

right now.

i needed this. thank the Lord that i made it here. and I thank Him for what's to come.

i know it's gonna be beautiful. i know when i find true love its gonna be amazing, when i maintain full harmony with yall that are clossssest to me, its gonna be magnificent...when i see the fruits of my labor...its gonna be rewarding.


i remember someone saying the soil down here in the Delta is really rich, bc of the mississippi bringing in nutrients from upriver/states north of here.


maybe that's also a part of the pull for me down here. maybe the soil is so furtile that i just wanna be around it.

i think it's a lotta things....i also thot this post would just be about fb and twitter lol...but while this is the swan song for those two, its the start of a new beginning for Carlin.

and just like back in 84, it's gonna take place here...

im so thankful to call this place home. home is where the heart is, so my home is all overr the place actually...lol, VAaaaa, Indy, MD, DC, GA, Africa, etc etc etc...but this is where God first put me on this earth.

i think that was more than just a coincidence.

so if you looking for me i'll be here. and after that, i'll be all overr...but this is where it begins....again.



love yall, and miss some of yall but see you soon :)


sincerely,
carlin