man...

not much to say. just that its a trip how emotions can rock you sometimes right? that particular person can say just the right thing to get under your skin and everything is out the window...

every blessing, every success, every miracle...it just gets overshadowed by the front and center bullshit that's sitting on your chest at this veryyy moment.

im sorry to curse and im really trying to stop especially bc my mom and my sister hate it. but sheeesh. sometimes its just like that.

i really have come to see that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes inthe morning ligght...

sometimes that weeping doesnt always mean tears, and most times, that night doesnt just mean a "night". but i know the morning will come...it always has.

i know im stubborn, i know i can be obstinate...but im working on it. lately some of the men in my life have just dropped the ball. but maybe it was me simply recognizing that they are merely human...and not the supermen i used to rely on. i dont think im needy, altho some may disagree...i simply seem to keep my expectations too high, re other people.

i really think that Obama is as strong and calm/collected as he is because he dealt with adversity early in life. like one of my best buds he grew up without his father. i think that dealing with that as a child makes you super strong, very quickly.

as always my thoughts are random, but ah well. this is my diary, it just so happens to be open to you.

early on my girl and obama learned that people will let you down. they each had tremendous families and support from friends, but at the end of the day, i think that they know that all they really have is themselves in this world. (fyi, i knw God is always with me, so when i say "i'm all i have" i mean re peOple...not Him)


i'm not a hermit. i'm not a recluse. i'm not cut off from the world. i have a stellar family and set of friends that i wouldnt trade.

sometimes tho, you just wanna be understood.

and when those closest to you dont understand, it simply sucks.

it simply feels like ugggh.

its an old saying, but dmx reiterated it. if you love something let it go, if it comes back, then it's really yours. < i used to think that only referred to romantic love with a guy, but now i see it applies to true friends and family. you can only explain and ask for but so much. eventually you gotta just let go, and let God and that person work it out.

and hopefully, they come back to you.

cause this is all really hard without you.

we were so close...and im NOTTT talking about juuust quay right now. shit. i have more to my life than him (you simply see his name on here & not others bc they cant handle it right now). i'm talking about someone i never thot would or could walk away. more importantly figuratively than literally. and maybe you didnt mean to, buut it feels like you're gone.

but.....weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes...in the morning light.

love will endure. its just kinda tough right now. but we'll make it.



sincerely,
carlin...aka bean...aka beans... :\


p.s. this post may not have made any sense to you...but it's what i needed to say.