(lol, this was soo gonna be a light post, then it got deep...) ok so you know when you're sooo into a tv show that you feel like you know the characters. well, as i do with many things, i took it to another level...and totally feel like doug, carrie, arthur and the whole crew work hard just to make me laugh instead of CRYING over the bullshit in life!!
i've liked it since like 3 yrs ago, but for a minute it was a puuuure necessity. when i lived in md and worked at discovery, i used to walk the two blocks to my apt sooo excited to see that show at 4 and 4.30. ok, pitiful some may say, but say what youuu will! it's the little things in life, and KOQ is one of my little things. and when things got really ugly, it was the little things that worked!
now, the true bliss came when i found episodes of King of Queens on youtube. "ahhhhhhhhhhh" (<< that's supposed to be the heavenly sound choirs make in movies...i tried). some user called polyunsaturate has lots of eps up, and i just was addicted. carlin's weekend after my breakup and thru fam ISH = in the bed w cookies, ice cream and KOQ on lapppo topppo. yessssr!!! (a lil FB stalking in btwn) lol
*** here's the kicker. when i was really down, this show was one of the few things that snapped me outta my problemos. ***
around the time i had my apt in MD, i was really going through it with my ex and family stuff too. and internalize...i did it like noooo other.
to make matters worse, i rarely let my issues and sadness out. i talked to a couple of my girls about it, but it was always just to tell them myyyy resolutions and how much stronger i was gonna be with the young man...but never just to break down and be weak. one chick in particular, who is nooo longer "on my team" lol, and wont be named cause im learning discretion... :) i'd open up to her the most cause she was "dealing" with a football player and had gone through similar, although in MY OPINION ""tougher (shall we say)"" situations. the only thing was, when i talked to her, she would just give me mean pep talks/tough love...but that's not what i needed ALLLLLL the tiiiime. it's my fault for always turning to her, and i'll take that responsibility, but basically it didnt help very much. it added to my NEGATIVE tendency to "suck it up" instead of dealing with my issues.
well, when you don't let it out, you ACT it out. so some of the "craziness" you may have seen or think you've seen from me in the last few months, i think its safe to say some of it can be attributed to me BOTTLING everything up for 24 years, and finally it all broke loose.
you cant keep it all under wraps. sometimes when it hurts, you cant just walk it off. you gotta address that shit.
im not being a smartass but didnt bob marley die from a foot injury that came from playing soccer. i;ll dare to venture he didnt think that ish would take his life...and well...
that stress and pain and GUILT we tend to keep inside, it'll eat you alive. my experiences have helped me better understand when ppl say its their inner demons that have them locked up.
i had to free myself. i had to free myself from lies, bc they had power over me. i had to tell my ex i had been with someone else, and he wasnt "the only one" like he and everyone else had thought since i was 21. yeah, it suckd, but i had to be honest. about that and the orlando trip, and homecoming...lol. it is what it is. but it DOESNT control me anymore.
well, thot this post was just about King of queens, but that's the mind of Carlin Lewis for you...always processing more than one thought at a time.
maybe that;s why some of you cant keep up.
not trying to be a smartass or jerk...but i slow myself down so others can understand...cause if i talked the way i think, REALLLLYYY FAST, well, yeah, i can only imagine what yal would say then.
lol.
yal make me smile, almost as much as K.O.Q.
ttys, live and in living color in JERSSSSSSEY.
dont worry, i'll chat more about some of those down days when tears were prominent...often.
smiles more often now, but that's because im stronger, cause trials are still running rampant. its cool tho. for this tooooo shalll passs :) thank God
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You give me @ least 1 thought provoking thing to read everyday. Sometimes i'm like "yeah i remember that" and sometimes (or alot) im like "damn, i aint even know it was like that."
ReplyDeleteIts all good though, you seem to have found a way to express yourself and deal with whateva you have to deal with. I know especially you have probably had many classes on how to write for your your audience, but it looks like you've learned to write for you.
Thats my big sis yall!!
It seem in many ways u use this site as a way to vent nothing wrong with that theres not one person in this world if u ask me that has not done something they regret i have demon's now im learning to face but intime i will an so will u o and when u going to read my blog i need some followers lol
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